Thursday, August 12, 2010
I have to say that the most incredible moment of my life was when my first child was born. I was loaded with pain killers and I felt like everything was going to be alright for the first time in about ten and a half months. I had lived through a category 4 hurricane the month before and I really thought, by the time my child was born, I would have lost all that was left of my sanity. The whole time I was pregnant, I obsessed over true crime shows on the Discovery channel. I felt like the world was full of predators and the only way to save my self, and my unborn child, was to learn of their habits and maybe I could circumvent their inevitable attack. I hear alot of mothers say, "My child was a miracle from God", or "I looked at my little angel, and I saw the face of God". This did not happen with me. By the time by child was born, any shred of faith I once had was gone. Completely gone... Leaving not a trace. I saw my baby and thought, "the only thing that can protect her, even slightly, is her father and me". The really scary part is that my husband and I are clumsy geeks. Neither of us have any ninja skills, or... any skills at all, really. We both have confused the brake with the gas on more than one occasion. We are both equally paranoid, but claim the other is more paranoid. We both advise each other to seek psychological help, on occasion, and to seek medication if necessary. We both swear, and we laugh when our 18 month old daughter would say, "Uh oh, oh shit." It was the clearest phrase in her vernacular. What could we do? We are now pregnant with our second child and I, personally, think its going to be a blast. I love to have these little people around. It is nothing like I thought it was supposed to be. I am still a weirdo. I still wish I could have a smoke every once and a while, but I don't because I am scared that my, now 2 year old, daughter will tell my parents. That's how my mind works.