Friday, September 10, 2010

How Difficult Can It Be???

Have you ever tried to potty train a child?  I have lived through many tragedies and hardships.  I consider myself a strong person, but the chore of potty training my two year old is testing my fortitude.  This is like torture and... what's worse than torture?  My little trainee is probably the best specimen I could ask for.  She questions the fundamentals of this process.  How can I explain it in a way that applies as little shame as possible to the act of shitting one's pants?  I have to iterate to her the possibility of using the potty as a cleaner, more mature, way of evacuating the bowels and bladder.  I, as a "good" mother, don't want my little girl to feel bad about slipping up. 
The issue at this point, about day 5... who the hell knows, for sure?..., is her inability to properly gauge when it is time to go potty.  She senses the "need" about 5 minutes too early, and abandons the endevour about 30 seconds too early.  She decides her need to pee-pee is a false alarm, walks away, and pisses on the carpet about five feet from the potty.  This happens about thirty times from seven A.M. til three P.M.  I am afraid, by day 8 or so, I will have lost my ability to use the potty.  I have never felt this level of frustration in my life.  She has to go "pee-pee, poo-poo, potty, doo-doo, YUCK!" about every ten minutes, and has to shed all garments in order to mentally prepare herself to eventually lose heart and abandon this process, altogether.  Nine tenths of my days are spent chasing a two year old, naked, child up and down hallways... all around the fucking place.  She is like an evil little devil cherub who's lost her wings, bobbing and weaving.  She is cursing and swearing in her little gibberish language. 
I long to spank her... 
How evil would it be to spank a beautiful little, angel faced, girl just for not knowing how to use a toilet?  My mind is going...
The worst part of this whole thing is that my daughter is having a ball.  She never becomes frustrated.  She uses every opportunity to get buck naked and streak all over the place.  She loves it... loves it. 
God love her. 
God help me!

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